Here is my journal entry from before my practice this morning –
Let’s hope every morning feels a little bit better than that first morning. I am optimistic for a poop this morning now that I’ve found a bit of a morning routine here. If I wake too early, yoga nidra. Do the ritualistic morning things – neti, hot water with lemon, a little movement. In the shrine for morning prayers by 6am.
My intention this morning? More softening – more forgiveness. More letting go.
There’s no precedent that was set yesterday. Today is a new day. Let’s see what happens.
It’s amazing what I encounter when I enter the shrine without expectations – the totally unexpected. The wonderful. Like Big Magic wonderful. This morning was like a creative brainstorming session with the Divine. Ideas just kept downloading. About my business. About my book. Ideas out of left field. This entry is not to document all of those but to record and remember what can happen when I am open.
It was not a meditation like I had experienced before nor did I have the slightest inkling creativity could work like this. I believed when I sat, what I was seeking was some communion with the Divine. You know, light and rainbows and unicorns and shit. The whole fireworks show.
While that will be wonderful at some point, this morning’s sit was revelatory and amazing in its own right. It was not necessarily about what’s out there, but what I’m meant to be doing in the here and now.
I do question whether what I saw or heard was truly some higher power speaking to me or just what my mind was communicating through my ego. What I (ego) want. However, when I think about it, given that what I heard and saw was not exactly what I believed I wanted, I’m going to say take the bet that it was being communicated from someplace else.
So I promise from here on out just to listen. That is my job. I set that intention before coming here, yet, somehow, got lost in all of the spiritual mumbo jumbo. Now it’s evident what I need to do before going into my practice every day, not just here in India but anywhere I find mysef in the next three months and long after. Aside from the physical preparations and dincharya, it’s nothing. My job is to do nothing.
Today taught me that all meditations are valuable. Even the shitty ones. They tell us something. Every time I sit is an opportunity to learn a little bit more about myself and my time here.
Here is the irony. After I conferred with the Divine that the last download had completed, you know what I saw? Light. Crazy, bright, big, uplifting light.