For the most part, I’ve been quite silent, not only on social media, but also in conversations, regarding our political and cultural climate over the past six months. These days, it seems anything you say leaves you vulnerable to a slew of attacks and judgment from either or both sides. You’re either praised by those who agree with you or condemned by those who don’t. It’s a cantankerous environment and I refuse to add any energy to the vitriol and persistent back and forth. I am doing my best to stand firmly in my truth and power the best way I know how. Thus, I’ve limited my conversations to a very select few about the landscape in which our country, and the world, currently finds itself.
But I’m struggling. Not with what our new president is or isn’t doing or the appointments he’s making or the policies he’s shifting with a mere movement of the pen. For the most part, as atrocious as some of it may be, he seems to be acting out of free will and there’s little I can do to immediately affect those decisions. What I’m struggling with is my part in our current situation. Both the problem and the solution.
I am trying to take the most enlightened approach I possibly can and find what course of action feels right for me. This meant not gathering and protesting because everyone else did. For some reason, I did not feel called to march last weekend. This is not to say I’m above standing with my fellow sisters (and brothers) or participating in other activist endeavors. Nor do I disagree with what they stand for. I applaud the intention and the will to make it happen. I’m processing injustice and possible devastation to our rights and freedoms in my own time. But do not mistake my silence for acceptance. What felt right for me was to join a satsang and kirtan session to chant and pray.
I can feel disapproval already. That’s nice Jennifer. You sit and pray for things to shift while others are taking a stand and making their voice heard to activate the tides of change. But for me, praying is not passive resignation to what is. I don’t pray aimlessly hoping it will have some effect on the world. I know, and science proves, that when I shift my vibration, especially in a group of people that are doing the same, with a collective intention, we move the needle in a significant way. Cultivating change in this way felt much less reactionary. No matter how just and right you think your acts are, if they are born of anger and hatred for another human being or idea, that contempt, whether transparent or underlying, is felt and will only add fuel to an already blazing fire.
When Marianne Williamson quoted the Dalai Lama in her recent A Course In Miracles talk, every fiber of my being resonated with her words. “In order to change the world we must have a plan. But no plan will work unless we meditate.” As she later said it is not an either/or proposition. For real change it must be an and/also scenario. After listening to her inspiring and moving talk, my nightly bath was fraught with questions and contemplation.
How do I want to show up in all of this? What does my work look like as a result?
Much like our nation, I myself am going through a big transition. I’ve moved back to Los Angeles without full time work and my savings are dwindling. While I’ve contemplated and even taken preliminary steps to just “find a job,” at the end of the day, I am never very motivated by simply making money. Now more than ever, I feel like every job I consider, every word out of my mouth needs to be examined. Over and over again – What is my part?
And thus, in the tub, I arrived at my current struggle. Is my playlist for a new class really that important? Or the size of my ass? Or yours for that matter? Can I really get up and pretend that a 45 minute cardio session for people that are fortunate enough to be able to shell out up to $40 for a boutique studio class is really imperative to the betterment of our community? Or conversely, pretend that yoga is simply another means for physical enhancement and flexibility when the main reason I practice is to find communion with the deepest and truest part of myself and a universal consciousness? Again and again – HOW DO I SHOW UP in a time that is most crucial? Not just for a protest or a kirtan or a special event – but every damn day?
Can I still do what I’m doing and just shift my perspective? Like Ghandi said, can I simply be the change? Change the conversation. And make every interaction an act of peace and justice by treating others with the respect and kindness that we all deserve? Even, as impossible as it may seem, our President and those he has appointed to support him?
Can the fitness class become the realm for spiritual work and can my mat become a place where I play? Is this even a time for play? Over the weekend of the inauguration and march, I felt guilty for feeling happy and light and free. Is that wrong? Or is my lightness and joy something that is needed? Is it okay to provide a distraction for a while with some kickin’ tunes and a jab – hook combo to a punching bag? What kind of classes are really important right now? I don’t know the answers and as the week went on, my light mood of the weekend turned more melancholy and heavy. Like I said, I’m struggling.
We are all being challenged right now in some way. To grow. To learn. To shift. To expand our capacity for tolerance, love, and spaciousness. For many of us, this is unchartered territory. If we haven’t already, we will all make missteps and likely say and do things we know aren’t helpful or kind. The biggest mistake, however, is simply to point a finger and ignore the deep personal work we are all being called to do. Now more than ever, all of us – not just the yogi and the philosopher and the thought leader – need to be spiritual beings. For true change and resurrection to occur, in the words of Martin Luther King, Jr.: We must have a quantitative shift in our circumstances as well as a qualitative shift in our souls. How well are we doing both?
January 25, 2017 at 6:17 pm
Hi Jennifer, Beautiful column. It IS important that we all take care of ourselves every day to show up as our best selves for these troubled times. So I would argue that Yes, your playlist matters—it matters to you and the people coming to your class to find stress relief, centering, joy, shift in perspective…whatever it is that will help fuel them through the day in a loving, strong way. Or even as a distraction. Your work is important. We all have to find our way to show up right now and that will look different. I do think, however, that it is also important to try to make changes in ways that will effect our political system. That is not a judgment on others, instead it is my belief that I’ve arrived at through consideration of my role as a citizen in this new (awful) reality. I don’t know how to do that and I am still learning. But all we can do is try our best, with loving intention, and follow our conscience.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 25, 2017 at 6:36 pm
Thanks for reading and sharing your insights love. I appreciate your voice and stance.
LikeLike
January 25, 2017 at 7:34 pm
Hey you! Really beautifully written. So, I’ve been listening to marianne’s talks for 20 years (yikes?! How is that possible?!) & while I was reading your blog I remembered something she said when she was talking about work – i.e. your job. Essentially she said if you’re called to do deeper & more meaningful work in the world, you do it where you are. She said to the rest of the world, it may seem a like you’re a waitress (for example) just serving food & drinks – but, in actuality you know you’re there to “raise the vibration.” I’m certain I butchered that, but hopefully the point remains. That there’s no need to seek a higher ground from which to share your wisdom or teach or whatever you feel called to do. Shifting your own perception about what you’re doing & why you’re doing it may not look different from the outside, but creates a new experience for you & those around you.
Having said that, I hear you. In theory, I get it. The actuality has always been a bigger challenge for me. You are clearly very in touch with your intuition & if meditating feels like your best way to serve & support the current political movement to resist the new administration, that’s great. I also remember Marianne saying that the monks who spend every day meditating for hours on end are actually keeping the world together:) Meditation is no joke! Maybe next time you’ll feel moved to march. Or maybe not. But, I love your mind & I love your heart & it makes me feel better about the planet that people like you exist. 😘
LikeLike
January 26, 2017 at 2:11 am
Hi love and thank you so much for leaving such a thoughtful and kind response. I’m sending you love and hope all is well with you.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 25, 2017 at 7:35 pm
I didn’t march either. Like you, it wasn’t because I didn’t support the march’s mission. In my view, the march was not an effective way for me to support the mission. I volunteer with women’s organizations that support these issues and I have encouraged others to do the same. Volunteering is a way that I cope with/contribute to/work through things in the world.
And I agree with Tula. Little things, like your playlist, do matter. It may be that your part isn’t as significant as you want it to be or as you feel it should be, but your class/playlist/soothing instructor’s voice is something and those things keep us going so we are able to keep others going. Sometimes facilitating the “keep on keeping on” is the role we are meant to play in a specific situation. Don’t discount your ability to effect change and don’t lose sight of how many people you positively influence each day. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 25, 2017 at 9:30 pm
First off, let me say I love when you write like this Jennifer. Very well articulated and so many good points throughout. Sounds to me like you are struggling, however at the same time finding your way through the darkness so to speak. What stands it is you’ve shifted from “I’m Done” to “How Do I Show Up”….that’s a big change and probably in a better direction. To me this should be the title and focus of your book and keep writing it using the same dialogue as this post.
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 2:12 am
Thank you Marc and thank you for taking time for the compliments. I so appreciate your support. JG
LikeLike
January 26, 2017 at 3:08 am
Hi Jennifer,
As a fan for many years, I wish you the best of luck finding stable and meaningful work for you. As somwho has only experienced your work via video and not in person, I can tell you that your personality does make a difference. Your Playlist does make a difference. It. May seem minor to you, but the people you touch, whether in person or virtually are impacted. Attitudes shift for the better. Never doubt you are helping
LikeLiked by 1 person
January 26, 2017 at 2:09 pm
What matters are the details of how we choose to BE at any moment. But the BE part of that statement hinges on awareness. So often, we are too ME focused and not WE focused. It’s all to personal and we lose sight of the gift of what we can do for anyone or anything. To be awake is the most vital quality as a human being. And with all this, you can find your true north, to know without a doubt that your direction is right and powerful – all words and deeds align with what you know is your higher purpose. But you have to be aware, and that is a practice, and without practice we can’t wake up. If your scope on lens gets larger and larger, than that is the way. If you can feel more compassion and love for others, like Prez Tump, then that is the way. If you can heal your past and find BIG love for yourself, then that is the way. If you know more about yourself than you did yesterday, then that is the way. Waking up is not smooth and effortless. Jen, you are awake. You are alive at the wheel, and you just want and are ready to find your true north.
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 11, 2017 at 7:45 pm
Hello Ms. Jennifer, I am so honored to write to you. Please continue on the path that you are on, it is such and inspiration to me. I have everyone of your DVD’s, except the ballet DVD. It’s next on my list of things to buy. Your story has been very motivating to me. I had to give up my career as a College Administrator and Professor, as I fought for my life these last four years. I would have back surgery and end up with Massive Pulmonary Embolism. I would live, but it was a terrible rehabilitation. However, I would always have you there for me on your DVD’s encouraging me along the way. Every year it was a life threatening blood clot. This May I was given a week to live,due to the location of the clot. I had to have three angioplasty without being put to sleep. I pulled all the money out of my 401k and went to the Cleveland Clinic this Nov. and Jan. and finally found out I have a rare blood clotting disorder. I take a lot medicines and deal with extreme pain. But,I continue to do one of your DVD’s. Your energy and the positive light within you encouraged me to fight. I’m still fighting to lose all the weight from medications . I mediate three times a day and I living proof that meditation and pray does work. If I can save up some money ,I will try to come to California and take some of your classes. Thanks for being good at what you do. Be blessed.B
LikeLiked by 1 person
February 12, 2017 at 6:05 pm
Belinda – I am so touched by your story and honored to be a part of your courageous journey, even in the smallest way. I am so encouraged by your dedication and drive. Keep up the amazing work and I will hold you in my prayers. Love. JG
LikeLike