For the past few days, I’ve had thoughts I couldn’t wait to document in my journal. Now, here I sit at breakfast pen in hand with little desire to write. I rather sit and enjoy my cappuccino, eggs and toast. Soak it all in. Record the memories in my heart rather than on paper. As if talking about them or writing about them would somehow rob the moments of their magic. While I can offer details of what I did and the things I saw, undoubtedly my explanations would never equate to what yogis call bhav – feeling or sentiment. Words would undoubtedly fail to describe what I smelled when I walked past fragrant jasmine and garbage simultaneously. Or what I tasted when I took that first bite of homemade local bread from Auroville with fresh melted butter. Or the colors and emotions that exuded from an artist’s music and dance performance in the intimate setting of his own salon. No. Words would not suffice.
I don’t want to describe in detail what transpired during my time inside the Matrimandir or all the divine circumstances that led me there without the compensatory orientation. I protect those moments and sensations in my heart, like a momma clutches her baby to her breast.
In a world of incessant sharing of every detail of our lives on social media and Did it really happen if it wasn’t posted on Instagram? it’s tempting to share all the events of my time here in Pondicherry. Normally, I enjoy doing it. Offering a glimpse into the wonders of parts of the world you may otherwise not see or experience. But something inside me restrains me. Prevents me from over-share. Besides, as any of my friends who have journeyed alongside or before me will attest, words would be a miserable substitute for true knowingness.
All I know is somehow, a force greater than my own will has guided my time here. The people I’ve met, conversations we’ve shared over coffee and meals, the serendipitous moments – cataloguing them all is unnecessary. Memories of the heart will remain there and, like flowers nurtured by the sun and water, continue to bloom as I bring them to the forefront of my mind. Whether or not I tweet them.